The not so secret diary of Ashley Giles, aged 30 something

Poor Ashley Giles. After revealing his innermost thoughts ( eg "Bono is a great performer but I don't like all the politics") in his diary in the London Independent, he has to suffer the indignity of having his pearls of wisdom cast before swinish Australian cricket followers via Peter Lalor's blog in The Australian. Here's a sample:

He is so bored he's been to see Borat twice, he's going so badly even English fans are ringing him with abuse and he was so ill-prepared for the series that being picked for the first Test caused him "mixed emotions".

Giles even says he had a premonition of the team's calamitous collapse on day five in Adelaide. To make matters worse, he finds the Australian fans are better sledgers than the players -- and reveals the only local he has taken a shine to is Kylie Minogue.

Giles has even turned to drinking to get him through, declaring: "You drink to celebrate and drink to forget."